Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
did i walk over a car last night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
