Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the condom got lost in my hair
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
