I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
