If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
