Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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