someone get that fucking seahorse.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
