Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
