I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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