you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
