My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
