I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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