I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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