She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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