i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
