he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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