I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
