Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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