thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
