If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
