I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
