nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
