I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
