this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
