After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
not ubering you a puppy
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
