We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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