Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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