help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Randomize
