I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
