I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
