dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
