i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
