seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
