i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
