this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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