He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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