Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
