Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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