Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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