Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
