your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
