He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
