My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
