Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
