What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
