He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I faked an abortion last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
