dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
