why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
