We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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