I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
