Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You are the jesus of drinking
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
