your parents love me but you hate me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the day after is always just damage control
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
