So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
