you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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